How important is what others think of us? How far do people go to be liked? Is fitting in important? Does being alone really mean being lonely?
I’m not a philosopher, but I have been witness to many a peculiar human act. As a species we truly seek the company of others. Sometimes we wear a proverbial mask that portrays us similar to those around us, even if on our own we would not act the same. Sit and observe a group of teenagers at a mall if you don’t believe me.
I have seen people get haircuts, etc to blend in. Get tattoos because others did. Buy a certain brand or type of clothing. Why do we do this? I don’t need to look like, act like, or dress like someone else to love myself. Yet at times I feel I have done just that.As if I needed their approval to be okay. I AM OKAY! Just the way I am.
Not everyone wants to grow a portion of their own food. I do. Not everyone wants to spend solitary moments in nature. I do. Not everyone wants to continually learn new things. I do do.
Do I want to fit into society? Of course I do. But at what cost? I don’t want to quit being me just to be accepted by someone else. As Popeye said, “I yam what I yam, and that’s all what I yam.”
I am not perfect. I have flaws. But I can look in the mirror and respect the man I see. I served my country. I give an honest day’s work. My life is not a facade. I am a simple man leading a simple life.
If GOD provides me another chance at romance I’ll give it a try.But until then I’d rather be alone and happy than be in a relationship where I sacrifice my happiness for that of someone else.
Enough rambling for one night. But it feels good to finally write again.
Its November. The weather here is stuck in Summer mode. Matching or breaking previously set record highs. Almost daily thunderstorms. Yard work really is a chore, either too hot or too wet. A/C runs continually, tea won’t stay cold, mop the floor just to drag in a fresh coat of mud. Did I mention its November?
On the bright side I don’t have to manually water the garden each night. Plants that normally would be difficult in November are thriving. Weeds are also thriving, but that’s okay. Into every-life some rain must fall. Flowers on the Okra plants hint of upcoming stews. Bright green Kale glistens in the morning dew. Trimmings from an overgrown Rosemary bush are hanging inside just for the aroma, I could never use it all for cooking or garnish.
Rainy nights make for great sleep. Tomorrow it will be back to work, but this week is split by Veteran’s Day, so there will be a brief respite. I actually enjoy my job most of the time and although there is always a wrinkle in our plans we seem to find a way to work through it.
Not sure what the future holds. Today, I plan to sit on the couch with my dog and enjoy the moment. The weather will change in due time. Did I mention its November?
All of us experience loss. How we respond to loss can be as individual as fingerprints. For some people the loss of a loved one can lead to deep-set, long-lasting depression. Others in similar situations, celebrate the memories made and continue on. Most of us, however are somewhere between these extremes.
One of my first memories of this type of loss was when my much younger cousin lost her fight with Leukemia. She had not even reached school-age. At the time I questioned why GOD would take such a life. As I matured, in both age and spirituality, I came to accept that it is His will and not mine. I knew that she had endured two years of Chemo and Radiation with little hope of being cured. She once said “No more Ouchies”, referring to the treatments. Her parents and Doctors agreed that her treatments were not producing any measurable gains, they were, however decreasing her quality of life. The decision was made to discontinue treatments. In the little time she remained with us she was treated like royalty. She had us all wrapped around her little finger. Thirty years later I still think of her and wonder what she may have become.
Because of her brief presence here on Earth, I’m blessed with the memories of someone who never learned to hate, truthfully accepted each day was a blessing, and an infectious smile. Because of her, I have an inclination to treat females named “Amber” a little more affectionately than others. It may seem odd or unfair, but it is my unique way of dealing with loss.
I’ve been through many different losses since Amber’s passing. GOD’s grace has helped me find peace even in the darkest times. I’ve cried, prayed, rebelled, drank too much, went half crazy, but in due time I return to NORMAL.
Procrastination has been my enemy for most of my life. Rather than doing, I wait. Why can’t I just make up my mind and take action? I know I’m not alone in this battle. I believe many others are reluctant to commit themselves without some period of indecision.
What are we waiting for? What are depriving ourselves of by waiting? Is our lack of action hurting others? Are we being selfish? Can we stop?
Some decisions do need to be carefully considered before we commit. Some things cannot be undone. Mistakes will be made. Our choices affect not only ourselves, but often include those around us. Realizing which decisions to make quickly versus those we should weigh all options can be daunting.
Indecision is simply deciding to put off our decision.
Today I decided to accept the task of free-writing for 20 minutes. Even if no one else reads my post, I chose to write.
I believe we all have something to contribute. Waiting around for that perfect moment might mean never taking action. I believe if each of us take even the smallest of actions we can create major changes. Let’s feed the hungry by showing them how to grow their own food. Let’s reduce our dependance on fossil fuels by trying alternative sources like solar. Let’s show gratitude for what we have and quit complaining about what we lack.
Today, look in the mirror and ask “What am I waiting for?” Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not promised, today I choose to act.